"I'm just a fucked up girl, trying to find her own peace of mind"

you know when you have so much on your plate and you try to fix them, but you don't even know where to start.

i'm floating in this beautiful/horrid place we call "earth" and i don't know when i'm going to fall. or that feeling of falling for eternity. when will i ever stop falling?

but maybe that's the problem. maybe i need to stop "trying" to keep my feet on the ground and just "let it be."

stop trying to force things and just go with it.

JUST BE.

my thoughts and emotions fluctuate like i'm diagnosed of having a mild case of bipolar disorder. yeah, i know..i'm really messed up in the head, but at least i admit it, right?

and another thing, why's it so hard to help people? yeah, i know you need your license to actually take care of people for legal reasons and accountability, and i GUESS to show you know what you're doing but...that's all book work.

and i'm sure as hell most nurses are doing this just for the money.

shit, don't call me a nurse bec i don't even believe i can pass that NCLEX and get that "money"...but i WANT to help people. WHY CAN'T I JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE and join the peace corps in an instant?

why must you need qualifications to help out? i don't get it.

so here i am, floating/wandering off into the infinite abyss and i don't know if/when i'll ever be ready to know what i want; when will i ever be ready to settle down; why i won't allow myself to give my heart away.

it's ironic that one of my favorite quotes is, "It is safe to let love in. Love is your divine right." - Louise L. Hay,

yet, i can't even live by it.

i want to. i'm trying to. i'm hoping, i do.