all hallows

'tis falling season.
it sure is, something i've always felt. every year
one morning, the sun's tapping at your window, like fresh coffee.
next, the sky is half amber/half grey and it feels like perfect San Francisco.

i never understood you. you secluded me from our innermost secrets
but i was taken over by your scent of newness and belonging.
i thought i wouldnt love again until i was ready.

i forgot that it's not choice. = /


you refreshed me, like spring. untapped my center.
poured out another glass after another glass after another glass.
i was almost empty like before..
but you filled me up again. i could not contain myself,
for i was brand new and with you, you were my january.

it wasn't easy. it took time and patience, both things i didn't practice enough.
i had to shake my pride, but mom always taught me to walk with my lion heart.
nothing made sense except happiness.
you gave me more than i wanted.

and we traveled, troubled like always, but not alone.. for once, we were not alone.
that feeling we didn't want to be so familiar with. that, to me, is love.
and when we both recognized it, i wanted to fly.

we did sometimes, i remember those days. your cloudwhite teeth smiled before and after we touched lips.
i wanted you, dangerously. i wore the ideas of you around me like my best Sunday outfit. i wanted to impress you.
we lost sleep over meaningful nothingness.
your voice was my lullabies.
like the stars were my lullabies last june.

it's october again.. and we're falling
again.

like leaves floating, weightless, unawake..
we're falling

and i only wish someone would catch me.

catch me before the winter.
i heard this ones going to be the coldest yet..

octobre 27, oh ocho

There's a few folks out there I would like to pray for.  You pray for yours, i'll pray for mine.  Maybe we'll cover enough of our folks to all be reminded that every thing's going to be fine.   

This past weekend was stacked with a lot of unremembered memories.  Mostly, it was a bout reconnecting.  In a span of three days, i spent time with a lot of different friend groups.  Happy birthday cousin, J-Bug, and Reesie!  Kindergarden classmates, second cousins, ex-girlfriends, high school crushes, old housemates, new brothers, mentors, niner fans.  It was jam-packed with people watching, and i was more throwed then the ol' pigskin we were watching.  Usually can't take too much of it like that but believe me, i was so very happy this past weekend.  Just wish my parents were in town so I could have spent a little time with them too.  

oh, and other week I met this dude Isaac, through like Teeko who's folks with Boo, and Mace's cousins, Danilo and J.  Jerisa and I just tagged a long but it was pretty cool man.  Hella played 10 fingers with a small group of friends (it was fairly quickly I wasn't so much a stranger) including Isaac's parents hahah.  But I was reminded of him because he played his guitar for us, only to introduce a group sing-along.  His last song tho, he sang Change gon' Come, for sure one of my favorite songs ever.  But Happy Belated to Isaac!  Good times ..

I'll try to post pictures tonite when I get off work, but listen to one of my favorite artists sing one of my favorite songs.  

bi-cycles

me gots a tendency to post and post and post when i do one i gotta do more than one..

but me juan and i hella used to watch welcome to hollyhood. waste of time ahhaa but 'ahh yuuup' if you know haha then you for suuure  know. those dudes were soo out of pocket. but tonite was one of those ahh yuuup nights.  i've been closing the store since sunday and im tired, beat up, done gone. 

today was a day off and finally finally finally i get to think random thoughts. not what to bake next, doing all i could to get out on time, remembering if you are or are not a member with my bookstore, none thaat shit. i think what i want to think, bike where i want to bike, do whatitis i for the most part want to.  

and finally!! ahh freash air! foreals man im caught up. normally doing what is normal? today and tomorrow im breathin and i can't tell you enuff how good it feels.

AHH fresh air!

A Milli

braaat bratt. trigger happy, second word is happy so let me be aahaha.

iPod shuffle fucka dude up. haha 

listen, close off the wickedness of modern world. we are far too (not) advanced to understand this shit one bit.

here are the lyrics for all y'all slow ass people hahaha

I may be just a foolish dreamer

But I don't care

'Cause I know my happiness is waiting out there somewhere

I'm searching for that silver lining

Horizons that I've never seen

Oh I'd like to take just a moment and dream my dream

Dream my dream

Zoom

I'd like to fly far away from here

Where my mind is fresh and clear

And I'd find the love that I long to see

Where everybody can be what they wanna be

I'd like the greet the sun each morning

And walk amongst the stars at night

I'd like to know the taste of honey in my life

Well I've shared so many pains

And I've played so many games

But everyone finds the right way

Somehow

Somewhere

Someday

Zoom

I'd like to fly far away from here

Where my mind can be fresh and clear

And I'll find the love that I long to see

People can be what they wanna be

I wish the world were truly happy

Living as one

I wish the word they call freedom someday would come

Someday would come

Zoom

I'd like to fly far away from here

Where my mind can be fresh and clear

And I'd find the love that I long to see

Everybody can be what they wanna be

Zoom

I'd like to fly away

Zoom

I'd like to fly away

Zoom

I'd like to fly away

You and me, baby

Walking free

Don't you wanna go?

Don't you wanna go?

___________

I think beyond all stereotypes, I truly care for the world that revolves around me.  I'm not pessimistic, emotional, none thaaat shit. I'm just hella alive and awake and I see when my folks are sad or happy and everything and I somewhere deep down inside want to help.

"My people need hope and i'm the one with it." - Blu

I know Lionel Ritchie is far beyond his time on this shit.. or maybe i'm late because i agree more than i know how to agree.  But, if i can leave you with one side note, anybody that knows me and i've shared that this blog is even here.. think critically EXTRA critically.  outweigh consequences, be right, care foreaals care.. i dont know much past these days that matter most. and these days, i'll write til i pass out. hahah

i love you. i really do.

zoooom. byaaaaaaaaah!

creative instinct

today, among all days, was madness.

jerisa is the shit! straight up shes one of the illest artists i know.

word up to big ant, boo, jonilyn, boy, dj olly. the show was siick

past that, i hell of stepped on new grounds with people i love.
we travel, hard knocked, afraid as shit. but God are we ready to not be so weak.
we know trust, we know light, we know respect.

together, my folks and i are the shit, and trust, i was taught humility..
key word: together.

stay light!

Reflect

got shit off my chest.. now, i put onnnnn haha

my birthday weekend was in one word fulfilling. i can't tell you how wild 107.7 it got.
now, [as a 23 yr old man] i can only express myself fully on things like blogs, no audience no criticism no suggestions.. just get to pour out my bottle a lil bit nahmsayin.

here goes..

i have been nothing but God blessed to travel this earth as i have. My folks are fam, my family is my life. I am surrounded by people with purposes hell of different then mine, and i get centered errday. We know how to get it crackin, but most days we fine just choppin game at the house and sharing meals. I hellllaaa don't get what this life means at all, another one of those lost souls of mischief, but getting by.. hah im soo good at. im a happy soul, good energy levels, i believe in a lot of things other people don't. and my folks been had my back for as long as i can remember..

I am walking on thin lines between love and hate. I am extra far from understanding love, but my potential to do so is exponentially increasing.. that's serious talk. like i know i am going to be very very good in my relationships.. just one of those things you learn about yourself you know?

tomorrow always has enough potential to be a better day.

thank you to everyone that been a part of my life and has honestly tried to stick with me, even though its tough. im not easy to love, i think. but all my ride or die chicks hahah thank you soooo much. i will try my best to re-pay you with as much forgiveness and understanding and patience you have accepted with my friendship. that and enough laughs to make days brighter.

i love ya'll straight up.

tomorrow i have to be up by 730 am and its 409 am

at this point, im just trying to recreate lost dreams. tell me it's easy, ill call your bluff.
i always thought that i'd be fine losing you but shit im back far back.
right at the beginning, where it's usually easy. but this time i got swallowed up.

i hella don't know why.

AAHHHAHAHA

Be Alright

So many people are on a search to find
Within their days for that place
Within their minds to hide
And dump the load of this worldly life
And the things that it can make you feel and do
Just to pass away your time

But you be alright
Cause if you just hold on
Be strong (you)
You'll be alright
Yes you will (yeah)

People have a tendency
To think to themselves that they're the only ones
Going through more things than anyone else
But oh, I bet you'll beg to differ
If you would just consider the bigger picture
Cause then you would see that most people go through
The same things that you do in life

But you be alright
Cause if you can take it
You surely can make it
You be alright (yeah)

Just take a good look around
Look at the things and all the people
People that you see cause
We share a joy, we share a pain
So it doesn't matter at all
Ohh, were all the same



When you feel like, you know what I’m sayin, like,
When you feel like, there’s nobody you can turn too,
Or when its, shit start getting real out here.
I know how it is man, we can identify with that shit for real.
So I want you to know it’s going to be ok, you know what I mean,
It going to be alright, for real.

As time passes, I’m just keeping the faith,
Composing my thoughts and rearranging my plates.
People ask, I’m just telling them straight,
My girl was throwing up this morning; I’m praying it was something she ate.
Feeling pains in my torso now, I scream fuck the world,
But Mother Nature is taking ortho now, trying to regulate our stress and pain,
And also now, this life hurts a little more, so now,
But I’m still holding on ya’ll.

The pain that you know, evil you see,
I got a feeling that were gonna be alright, everything’s going to be alright.

I can feel the sun shinin, no stress, I’m so blessed,
No regrets, I am my past and my path has guided me, inside of me,
Placed me in spots where tracks be, and cats be so hungry, its so funny.
I want to race against millions, twenty-three years ago,
The buildings flow over peaks, made from a cat over seas,
Exposed to the league, its so peace and so deep,
So who am I to question the signs of crafts ways, of these last days,
It just happens that way, divine designs of life,
Balance that way, the trend surfaced and it all blends perfect.

The pain that you know, evil you see,
I got a feeling that were gonna be allright, everything’s going to be allright.

Baby, no you don’t have to worry,
Baby, no you don’t have to worry about me.

Tuesdays are the new Fridays

It was bright a day as one of re-focus. Made simple, he was alive, reaching for goals far beyond others' grasps, deep as black water. he had awaken this morning with a strange understanding. life as he had known it had worth and this was not a thought to be held alone. it had been validated through a together, sharing children laughter and campfire stories to warm their bodies as spirits previously had. enough was enough with played out storylines, king's jesters were left with their faces painted with fake smiles. even jokers slept un-kept each night, more shook being alone. but they, those unruly individuals, remained as royal as ever.. humbly situating themselves in their positions at prayer circles of life talk.



everythings seemes to make sense when you are not alone. ya duugg?